Ground Turbulence

It'll make you go blind

2006-12-10T11:15:00.000-08:00

I've spent the past month with shingles in my eye. There are still 3 shingles on my cornea that we just "wait and watch". I would say "wait and see", but it hits too close to home. You can loose your eye sight from shingles in your eye and while we are "waiting" and "watching" these lovely things grow on my eye, blindness is still on the table.

I also now have to take a drug (neurontin) that makes me very tired and sluggish. I feel about 2 steps behind in conversations and have trouble making myself get out of bed in the mornings. Nice. I get to be like this for 6 months.

Nothing to do but just sit back and love what is. What is right now is an unwanted, uninvited virus running lose in my body. Hard to embrace the ultimate turn-around: "The shingles should have me".

Totally bad mom

2006-08-12T17:39:00.000-07:00

Ummm...where'd the summer go? I thought I would get so much done this summer, but ended up being MORE busy with the kids to watch 24/7 than I was before school let out. School starts again Monday. Yipee.
Umm...Kevin, you're not aloud to read this. Turn away, go back to doing whatever you were doing. I haven't done anything. Yeah, I know... the last time I said that was when I got pregnant with Quentin, but I didn't do that by myself buddy.

(Is the room clear?)
O.K. I have to fess up. This happened to me yesterday. I'm totally
embarrassed. Olivia's best friend Karen spent the day with us b/c her
mom works at the school and had to work today. When she came to pick
up Karen, I was down in the basement working on a fitting with my
babysitter Kelley, just sewing and chatting, blah, blah, blah.

Kelley is a saint. She's babysat my kids all summer long when I've needed to run to the store or whatever, maybe a total of 25 hours over the summer. She's done is totally for free and I'm exchanging sewing business clothes for her. She' has...um..."figure issues". She loves button down tops, but they don't fit her. So I'm making her custom fit clothing for school (she's a teacher)

Anyway, I'm just down in the basement sewing away on her muslin, trying it on her here and there and all of the sudden I realize that Quentin (my 4 year old) sounds like he's talking to someone upstairs. Then I realize it's time for Karen's mom to be here. oops!
So I go up and she's just sitting in my living room chatting with
Quentin (who ...um..I left watching tv while I worked with Kelley). I think she may
have been there several minutes already. Then, get this...I don't
know where the girls are. OMG. Well, I had told them they could go
play at the neighbors house about an hour before and the neighborhood
girls all move from house to house, nothing unusual, but really not
what I needed right then. Then, (oh, I'm not done yet), when I do
find them, they're all red in the face, too hot or sunburned, couldn't
tell right away, they'd been jumping on a trampoline at the
neighbors). I'm wondering if Karen will ever be aloud to come back!
I think I could get some bad mom award for that one.

Wow, I really miss this view

2006-07-10T20:03:00.000-07:00

Going through my "nature shots" folder in "my photos", I ran across this pic taken this past January. This is the view we used to have from our front yard. Now, in our new house, we can't see the mountain's at all b/c of the stupid people across the street from us that put their house right in the way. How thoughtless of them! However, we did step out in our back yard an hour ago and saw this:
Can you make out the double rainbow? The whole thing made a complete arch across the sky. Wow!

FQ, really...I'm not making this up

2006-07-10T18:01:00.000-07:00

My freak quotient for the day included the following:

I took the kids to the mall today. We got kids meals from DQ which comes with a kids ice cream cone for dessert. As we were finishing up our cones and cleaning our mess off the table, I had my hand on the stoller (yeah don't give me grief about still using the stoller for children who weren't even toddler's recently. You try taking my three offspring to the mall by yourself without hand held devises!) and I felt a hand on top of mine. I turn and look and it's this little old stooped over wrinkled up lady. She says to me "honey, do you know where the kiosk is that's selling ephedra? The government just lifted the ban & I haven't had any in sooo long." I turn around and look and sure enough, just down the walk way is a kiosk selling ephedra. I didn't say where it was, just something vague like "I hadn't heard that". I do not want to be responsible for her having a stroke. What did she need ephedra for in the first place?

It's my odor. I attract freaks. Just saying that makes me remember back in Jr. High, my friends used to make fun of me for attracting all kinds of freaks. One time they bought a can of spray deoderant and made a fake label for it that said "freakoderant" to try to help me repel them. Apparently it can't be done.

BJ rocks

2006-07-05T19:34:00.000-07:00

I'm back online after a near 5 months of intermentant to zilch for an internet connection. I feel like I've been missing my right arm and someone just glued it back on. Life is good again.

Better know your man

2006-06-27T17:14:00.000-07:00

These are the INTERNATIONAL rules. I'd be curious to know what the American rules would be.

INTERNATIONAL RULES OF MANHOOD
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is ok for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out
of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask
the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and
only when it's free.
11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
kick another guy in the nuts.
12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
15: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
much as the other sports watchers.
16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
sober enough to fight.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
but not both, that's just greedy
18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about
his choice of beer.
19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
20: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while he is lifting
weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
21: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e . Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations,
an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
22: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
her to drive yours.
23: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
orange or sky blue.
24: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of
story.
25: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
Ever.

My favorite quote, to date

2006-06-26T15:39:00.000-07:00

"Back when I was a Christian...before I realized I am a Child of God..."

John Trapp
overheard at Transmillennial 2006

My freak quotient, revisited

2006-06-14T12:18:00.000-07:00

What is is about people on power trips and me? Is there some sort of odor I'm emitting that triggers their inner Napoleon (Bonapart, not Dynamite)?

I took the kids to swim class at the Y this morning. You have to give them your card to get a lock for the lockers, but they lost my card last week so I have a "temporary card". When I checked in, I had a whole conversation with the lady at the desk about this: has my card turned up? (she looked through her little box...an amazing amount of people have lost their cards, but mine was not in the little box) when will the machine be working again to make me a new one? etc., etc. My point here is that I HAD A CONVERSATION WITH THIS LADY IN WHICH WE MADE EYE CONTACT AND TALKED.

10 minutes later, my kids were merrily paddling about the pool. It's, like 1067 degrees in there and I was not created to be able to survive on Mars, so I stepped back out into the lobby for a couple of minutes. I forgot my water bottle, so I went down to the end of the lobby to see how much a bottle of water cost. Deciding that was complete robbery, I started walking back towards the entrance to the pool/sauna area.

Here's where things went wrong. Maybe it was the heat that made me smell or something and her little tenticles went "beep, beep, beep...there's someone who needs a good dressing down!"
Anyway, my conversation WITH THE VERY SAME LADY I HAD TALKED TO 10 MINUTES BEFORE went like this:

Napoleon: "Excuse me, miss, is there something we can help you with?"
Me: "no"
Napoleon: "Only members are alound in the YMCA"
Me: "o.k."
Napoleon: "You can't go back there, miss"
Me: (what's up with the 'miss' bit? my mom used to call me 'little missy' all the time when she was really pissed off, I don't really take to that tone extremely well in my adult years) "my kids are in swim class"
Napoleon: "WELL! I didn't know that. When I ask you where you are going, YOU need to inform me!"

Seriously weird. I need to adopt a more authoritarian countenance somehow. It can't include wearing high heels, though. I gave those up after falling off the porch 9 months pregnant with Zoe, carring 2 year old Olivia. (We'll talk about my grace issues some other day)

Somebody get me a dictionary, I'm not certain what "untrammeled" means...

2006-06-12T06:54:00.000-07:00

e only w***The Keys to Your Heart***

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Lovorks when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?
http://www.blogthings.com/keystoyourheartquiz/

5 hours

2006-06-09T21:51:00.000-07:00

I just spent 5 HOURS at the girls dance recital. It's almost 11 pm and I just put my kids to bed. The last time they were up this late was the night the Buckeye's won the national championship.

I'm a finalist

2006-06-09T13:46:00.000-07:00

I got a call yesterday morning from Simplicity Pattern Co. in New York saying that I'm a finalist in the American Sewing Guild competition. The link is to last years winners, but it shows what the contest is. I wanted to make a finalist position this year, so I've accomplished my goal.

I've had a series of somewhat professional disappointments lately, so accomplishing at least this goal has been affirming. ....Then I did Kevin's little phycotic test (scroll down to "I'm a phyco") and learned that I'm hystrionic, needing confirmation and affirmation from others. Well, it also said I tend to dress sexually provocatively. Unless you count my holey britches (see my post on April 27th), I'm not so sure about that one.

Anyhoo, I find out the finalist results by June 30th. Wish me luck.

More Bumper Stickers

2006-06-09T13:43:00.000-07:00

Squirrel...it's not just for breakfast anymore.

Sweet Jesus, we did NOT sing this, did we?

2006-06-09T06:53:00.000-07:00

Something happens when music goes to the inner santum of my brain. Whatever little nook and crannie it is that is supposed to store the information has some kind of faulty wiring and sort of jumbles things up and then it all comes all a bit skewed. The words that I remember from songs are oh so close, but not quite right. I am completely incapable of remembering band names as well. I don't know how that figures into the mix, but it's equally true.

Kevin's favorite example of this is the song "shout" (yeah, don't ask me who sings it), you know, it goes "shout, shout, let it all out", except that's the song that went in...the song that came out was "shout, shout, rat it all out". When this happens with rock tunes, I just think to myself "no, that does not make sense, but these people were probably on acid when they wrote it, so it doesn't need to". My friend Scooter who lived down the hall from me in college (co-ed dorm) used to do acid and come to our room and try to crawl in the toaster. I can only imagine what would have come out if he was trying to write songs. So I never really question whether or not I'm going around humming the right words. ...Except sometimes Kevin hears me humming. ...Then he falls down laughing so hard he cries. ...20 minutes later, when he has recovered his whits, he tells me the right words. Of course, I will not remember the right words, my brain has already re-wired the song.

Kevin will often offer me $100 if I can tell him the name of the band that sings the tune we're listening to on the radio. In 14 years, the only one I've gotten right was KC and the Sunshine Band (which I said was KC and the Sunshine Factory, but he loves me and thinks my little re-wiring problem is precious and gave it to me anyway). The funny thing about this is that KC and the Band/Factory were before my time. There are certain iconic things that define the age difference with me and Kevin. KC is one of them. Kevin listened to KC and the Sunshine Band/Factory on the radio....I had never heard of them before I met Kevin. None-the-less, they stand as the only guess I've ever gotten right. And I've tried countless times.

I said all that so that you would better understand the song rattling around in my head last week:

Careless soul, why will you linger
wandring from the fold of God
Hear you not the invitation,
Oh prepare to meet your doom.

O.K. I know that's not the real words (b/c I asked Kevin), but isn't that what we really meant?

Sweet Jesus.

Thunderbirds

2006-06-01T17:47:00.000-07:00

I took the kids out to see the Thunderbird airshow that goes over the Air Force Academy graduation. We just parked across the interstate on the side of the road at the Oracle building and had a little picnic. This was my best shot.

What I just overheard

2006-06-01T15:25:00.000-07:00

"I hate it when it smells like bird poop"

O.K. I've been around on this planet for 34 years. I've tipped cows, I've been bitten by misquitoes the size of small birds (thank you southern Arkansas pesticides), I've smelled monkeys at the zoo, and rotten possom in the garage. ...I have no idea what bird poop smells like. Do you?

figuring out how to get my picture over on the side

2006-05-25T11:47:00.000-07:00

All right, I've screwed around with this for 20 minutes and can't figure out how to get my "edit posts" into html mode...or why this is typing in blue (orange in the preview screen) and underlined when I've repeatedly told it not to. I give up.

Apparently I am now the ODOR POLICE

2006-05-24T09:22:00.000-07:00

I had a message on my answering machine yesterday from The Men's Wharehouse. They said there was a strange odor coming from their back room and could I come and fix it?

(I swear to you, I am not making this up)

A conversation with my list

2006-05-23T07:10:00.000-07:00

I say: "You do not own me. I am not defined by your size. I will not be drawn into your little tantrums about who comes first or how much attention you need. I can be more than you make me into. Go away."

My list says: "You will do what I say, little missy, and do it now. If you do not adress my concerns, I will go in the closet and multiply like drunken bunnies on spring break in Aruba. Deal with me, or I will bring back those ugly black spots on the upstairs toilets, knowing full well that the toilet brush is downstairs. You will be what I want you to be...until I change my mind tomorrow and become something else, which you will also bow down to. You will:
1)dump the dishwasher
2) put dirty dishes into diswasher
3) pick up blankets and toys from living room
4 ) vacuum
5) deal with laundry, 5a) put a load in washer, 5b) take clean clothes out of dryer, fold, put away, 5c) put away clothes currently on my dresser, 5d) figure out what's clean and what's not on the girls floor
6) go through playroom and get rid of toys the kids seem incapable of putting away
7) finish sewing 2 garments for American Sewing Guild competition, deadline is Friday
8) sweep and mop floor in kitchen and backroom
9) finish picture wall: staple little hanger doo-hickies on back of frames, hang frames, put pictures in frames
10) put away all the stuff on the fireplace in back room that's been sitting there for a month
11) pay bills
12) make bed
13) make grocery list, 13a) buy groceries
14) make list of what to discuss with Zoe's teacher tomorrow
15) finish sewing Arika's wedding dress for fitting on saturday
16) make appointment to get Quentin's mop cut off for summer
17) call to double check date of my dr.'s appointment, 17a) call Kelley to confirm child-care needed for dr.'s appointment
18) make sure to take $1.00 into office at Olivia's school to cover lunch yesterday
19) iron out of control pile of Kevin's shirts that have been waiting around for weeks
20) figure out something edible for dinner
21) pick up Zoe's perscription

I say: "Just what I needed. An arch-nemisis with an attitude. You win. But don't get any ideas, I don't like you. I will not be coersed into loving you. I will not embrace you. You are not welcome here, go away."

My list says: "you are the only one capable of making me go away. No one else will even acknowledge my existance. I am yours to do with as you wish. I love you even if you do not love me. How can you know? Because I am always in your back pocket."

I say: "22) go to the mall & find pants with no pockets."

I feel like crap

2006-05-22T10:53:00.000-07:00

My head is congested
My eyes itch to the point I feel like I can't keep them open
My thoat hurts
My nose won't stop running even after sudafed
I'm exhausted

I thought it was hay fever, but now I'm thinking it's got to be a cold. Great, now I'll get bronchitis. I've got way too much to do this week to be sick.

To top that all off, I just had to leave playgroup b/c Zoe and Quentin were screaming and punching each other. They SCREAMED the entire way home "why did we have to leave, we're not fussing!!!"

I need a vacation.

A pont ment (excuse us as we have marital communication)

2006-05-21T07:28:00.000-07:00

Kevin,
I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow (Monday May 22, 2006) at 6:15 pm.

Just so you know.

DD a.k.a TB

What I will do for money

2006-05-19T12:10:00.000-07:00

I've had some interested sewing jobs pop up lately. One was a lady in Houston that has a children's wear line. She was interested in me doing production work for her and sent me a sketch and fabric with the instructions to just "interpret" the sketch. No measurements or anything. I did EXACTLY what she asked for in the sketch and sent it back to her. She was extremely put out that I did one inch ruffles instead of 1 1/2 inch, that the skirt was 14 inches instead of 12, etc., etc. and informed me that she won't be able to pay me for the sample work I did for her because of my lack of professionalism. I laughed.

Then today I had an inquiry from a company in Peublo that wants to know if I am interested in making cloth sanitary napkins for them. Weird. (and yet, I'm going to call them)

I stop at making those dumb clothes for ceramic geese. I mean, I've got to have standards.

Ongoing battles with the House Monster

2006-05-19T11:50:00.000-07:00

The house monster has a strange and varied appetite of things it likes to put in its belly. Apparently it now likes video cameras. I have, unbelievably enough, been through every box of crap that we own since moving in our new house in February. It's no where.

The House Monster strikes again!

As I have said before, our particular monster will on occasion regurgitate the contents of its stomach on occasion if it is appropriated reviled. I'm trying my best to completely gross it out as we speak to see if the video camera comes back up for air. Seriously, you don't know how hard it is to make all that gunk on my kitchen counter stick permanently.

apparently you CAN say penis at the park

2006-05-18T09:22:00.000-07:00

At the park the other day, I found Quentin in conversation with another mom about his penis. I told Kevin about the incident and Kevin said "well, she's a ..."MOM"...apparently she's seen a penis before"

So I guess there's a catagory for the "when you CAN say penis" list. (see my very first post)

Summer

2006-05-17T17:21:00.000-07:00

School is getting ready to end next week.

Does someone want my children for the summer? I'm sure we could work out a great rental rate.

O.K. why is it that my children will act like perfect angels for someone else and the minute they are in my presence, they go completely phycotic? Today I had Kelley come over to watch Zoe and Quentin while I worked on some sewing projects. They played, they had fun, they did puzzles and took a walk. Yesterday I tried to walk down to the cul-de-sac (the next house down) with Quentin and Zoe and it ended with Quentin screaming in his room for about 1/2 and hour. I did nothing, I swear.

More Bumper Stickers

2006-05-12T08:13:00.000-07:00

"Jesus loves you....everyone else thinks your an a**hole"

Laughed my...ahem...socks off at that one!

"Not a Native, but I got here as fast as I could"

in response to the bumper stickers with the colorado mountain range on them that say "native".

"If going to church makes you a Christian, does going to the garage make you a car?"

My freak quotient

2006-05-12T07:56:00.000-07:00

Kevin always say my freak quotient is higher than the average person. Here's a list of people that have accosted me in the last month:

*The dude at Walmart that got out of his car and was shaking his fist at me because I drove off without putting my cart back in the cart return. (the cart return was no where near my car and Zoe was having a complete meltdown. hmm...imagine that, Zoe having a meltdown and walmart!)

*The parking police lady at Olivia's school. 5 weeks before school is out, she took it upon herself (she's not really in the parking police) to bodily lean in my car window and tell me that where I've been parking for the entire school year to pick up Olivia wasn't where I should park and that I was going to kill someone and that I could take "her" spot. When I looked over at where she was parked, it was under a "no parking within 30 feet" sign.

*The dance class mom that asked me why I thought I was better than everybody else at picture night. She was waiting in line for individual pictures and Zoe's class was going in front of the line to have class pictures made. I was just following the teacher.

*The mom that, upon hearing that my husband was in ministry, made the faulty assumption that I was a "right-wing" christian and asked me about the quality of the public school we send our children to. Then she proceeded to tell me she didn't want her children learning "liberal crap, like Chanukah and homosexuality".

*The 60 year old woman at Joann's that pulled her car into the empty parking spot beside where I had just pulled in. I was opening my car door to get out (which is something most people do directly after parking their car) and she raised her fist out the window and yelled "hey *$#&@, hold a minute and wait on your elders!"

That's all I can think of right now. I'm sure there have been a couple more, I'll let you know when I think of them. Sheesh. Does this stuff happen to other people?

Who should wear a bicycle helmet

2006-05-12T07:51:00.000-07:00

I saw the weirdest thing yesterday. Two boys were riding their bikes on the sidewalk of one of our major streets (6 lane boulevard). The boy in front had a box of powdered donuts. He was holding the box out and reaching out to give the boy behind some. I watched them for quite a distance ride just like that...one with the box reached out and the other just picking out donut after donut and eating them. They were both wearing those bicycle helmets that people with brain damage wear.

Rachel's Pictures

2006-05-10T14:51:00.000-07:00

I just got these pictures from Rachel. Rachel lives in St. Louis and I worked with her to make her prom dress. We did the fittings over the phone, so these are the first pictures I've actually seen of the dress on her. I was very pleased with the outcome, especially since this is the first dress I've done long distance. The dress is an adaptation of this dress that Rachel saw on Charlize Theron.

It's not crack cocaine

2006-05-10T07:11:00.000-07:00

What is this stuff in our yard? We found it this morning!

I DON'T WANT TO BE WIERD!!!

2006-05-07T18:09:00.000-07:00

This morning was a bit cool. Zoe had on a little skirt and a sleeve-less top. I tried to talk her into wearing some tights or leggings under her skirt, but it just made her cry. She spent maybe 20 minutes laying on her bed screaming "IF I WEAR THOSE, I'M GOING TO LOOK WIERD! YOU'RE MAKING ME WEIRD! I DON'T WANT TO BE WEIRD!"

Her other melt-down today was over the shape of her pizza. First she wanted it not cut up, then she didn't want squares, she wanted rectangles, then she wanted little squares. She never ate any of it.

Welcome to life with the bug.

Are you happy?

2006-05-07T17:59:00.000-07:00

Over on the Presence Forum, we've been discussing what brings joy. What's your joy?

When am I happy? I'm happy when I'm creating something. There is some fountain within me that needs to mold, bend, shape, form, transform the things in front of me to something whole-ly new. My usual medium is textiles, but I'm always open to new creative experiences. I'm happy when I'm in my studio with whatever music that moves me that day on...80's.. classical.. Harry (Conick Jr.)...and I'm free to just "make" (feel free to read in between the lines "no one needs fed, driven somewhere, their greivances disputed, or has just pooped themselves"). I love it when I can learn something new to incorporate, to stretch myself beyond what I was yesterday, to grow beyond what I thought I could do as an artist.

Where do I find joy? In silence. I get about an hour or two a month of silence. It's so rejuvenating. Oh, also I've found joy in making my new blog. It doesn't even matter if anyone reads it, it has just been fun to write things down and crack myself up.

Where am I looking for joy? I think I unconsiously look for it in my family. I think perhaps I should not. These are people who are on the journey WITH me, not for ME. If I look for my joy in them and do not find it (or in their mounds of ever-multiplying paraphanalia they leave laying around the house and refuse to EVER acknowledge, much less pick up) then I will be dissappointed and my dissappointment will be felt BY them. If I look for joy only from within, they are free to be who or what they are that particular day with the pressure of having let someone down. They do not need to be joyful in order for me to feel joyful.

Where have I not found it? The laundry room, where my laundry has grown in proportion to the point that it feels justified in filing documents to declare itself a soveriegn nation.

Amen.

God Made Me

2006-05-07T17:55:00.000-07:00

Today the kids had a lesson on Adam and Eve in sunday school. Then they drew pictures of themselves as God made them. Quentin drew...yep, you guessed it...his penis.

My favorite summer treat

2006-05-07T17:43:00.000-07:00

...for I'm in the Lord's Army

2006-05-06T15:38:00.000-07:00

"One nation under GOD
and HIS marines protecting it"

seen on a bumper sticker around town.

I find this eerily disturbing on many levels.

"Motherhood"

2006-05-04T11:24:00.000-07:00

Nature's way of saying, "Sooo.....you like sex, do ya?"

found in a greeting card at wal-mart, read while zoe and quentin fought over who got to hold the mouthwash and pretend it was a microphone.

Historical Fiction Authors

2006-05-01T17:54:00.000-07:00

I'm a complete nut for historical fiction. I keep a list of authors either I've read or would like to read. Our library has a wonderful system where I can look up stuff online and put it on hold. No trudging through the stacks with screaming, hitting, biting, clawing heathens. We save all that for the children's section.

Here's my list, if you're interested:
Sara Donati - my all time favorite, only one series out, but it's the best there is
Diana Gabaldon - extremely good story, but she's a bit verbose
Margaret Lawrence - really good series on early america
Elisabeth Chadwick - Always a good read
Judith Saxton - a bit drippy, but still not stupid, a good "mind pifle" read
Sharon Kay Penman - I have to be in the mood for her, but I like her all the same. It's very detailed historically
Dorothy Dunnett - I know I've read her stuff and enjoyed it, but can't recall any titles off hand

Other Authors I've heard of, but haven't read yet:
Cecelia Holland
Kathleen Givens
Susan Carroll
Loretta Chase
Judith Ivory
Laura Kinsale
Geraldine Brooks
Teresa Medeiros
Marsha Canham
Anya Seton (seems like I've read her)
Diana Haeger
Brenda Rickman Vantrease
Susanne Dunlap
Jane Guill
Posie Graeme-Evans
Dora Levy Mossanen
Jeanne Kalogridis
Sandra Worth
Lisa Kleypas
Pauline Holdstock
Sarah Dunant
Phillipa Stockley
Diana Norman

O.K. That's my 2 cents. I've typed this with a naked 4 year old on my lap, just so you know.

The baptism of the Bible...OR... "How I discovered the Holy Writ of YHWH is all wet"

2006-04-28T12:08:00.000-07:00

Last night I spent over an hour blow-drying the Bible. Kevin had to do the Zone at Tim's house because his office isn't inhabitable yet. After supper the girls went up to their room and played quietly together for nearly an hour. During this time Quentin was also playing quietly....in the bathroom. Somehow he managed to get nearly a 1/4 inch of water to stand on the bathroom counter. I don't understand the physics of it, but it happened. Also on the bathroom counter for God only knows what reason was Zoe's baby dedication bible with toilet paper tucked randomly in the pages for bookmarks. The toilet paper soaked up the water and drenched the bible from the inside out.

Oh, and in the background of this picture is yet another member of our "pinkie" (flamingo) collection. This one is the candy jar in the kitchen.

"On bended (right) knee I come"

2006-04-27T11:41:00.000-07:00

These are the right knees of my jeans. Only the right, never the left. You figure it out, I've got too many fish to fry to contemplate the deeper meaning of one-sided holey britches. (Quite frankly, I've had enough of "one-sided holy" anything to last a lifetime.) I have 2 more pair in the same condition that would have made this picture, I'm sure, more compelling, but they went AWOL for the photo shoot. Swallowed up in the belly of the house monster (you know you have one, too) there to live until it sees something so vile and disgusting it will regurgitate them in a most inexplicable place. I expect that to be by the end of the week based on the condition of my kitchen counter as we speak.

I apparently spend quite of bit of time on my hands and knees. Make no assumptions about my piety, as I certainly make no assumptions about yours (and, I might add, love you just the same). It's more likely from washing the kitchen floor with 409 and a rag as yet another incident of "oops, sorry mommy, I may or may not have just placed an entire gallon of orange juice somewhere other than my 8 ounce Dora cup" is going to make my socks stick to the floor and I'll be stuck in the kitchen forever (which is my second worst nightmare) if I don't get this cleaned up. I would buy more jeans, but the size on the tag needed to adequately cover my back porch frightens me almost as much as the house monster.

TITLE: A trip to Wal-mart gone very, very wrong

2006-04-26T12:45:00.000-07:00

CHARACTERS: Me, Zoe, Quentin, and the manager of the local walmart.

INTRODUCTION:
Unfortunately, the following story happens more than I care to admit.

PART I:
We had playgroup this morning at the park. Quentin spent the entire hour lying on the merry-go-round screaming any time any of the children came within 10 feet of him. What was he screaming? "mawmee, nobody will pway wif me, day all are a-ga-wee at me!!!" (angry, incase you've lost the knack of interpreting 4 yr old-ease somewhere along the way). Really, Quentin, I can't imagine why a bunch of little kids wouldn't want to play with a screaming banshee who frightens the crap out them. As the hour went on, Quentin had more and more snot and dirt mixing on his face. By the time we were done, he looked like someone whose mother should know better than to leave the house. (She does, she just ignores what she knows and goes anyway)

PART II:
We had no milk at home and needed to go to walmart to get some after playgroup. I was going to have gone last night after the kids went to bed, but I decided that if I was about to take off to Arkansas in the event that my father would have had a bypass, I might buy different groceries than just a regular trip (oh, by the way, Daddy is fine, no need for stints or bypass or anything, sorry to have left you in suspense). So I put it off until today. Both Zoe and Quentin we tired and hungry, but I gave Quentin his blankie (which makes him suck his thumb) and gave them both granola bars and chex mix and reassured them I just had about 20 things to rush in a get "real quick". When I read back over that, I do realize it sounds like a disaster in the making, but I chanced it anyway.

CLIMAX:
Things went fine until the check out when Zoe decided for some unknown reason to mule kick Quentin in the head. I think her reasoning was that she thought Quentin was looking at her. Who knows. I removed her from the little bench cart where they were sitting together and placed her back in the basket while I tried to hold her down with one hand. She was jumping up and down and clawing at me to get out and SCREAMING loud enough to wake the very long dead. With the other hand I was trying to put the groceries up on the belt and put the checked out ones back in the cart strategically positioned so that the human jumping bean wouldn't crush or puncture anything.

CONCLUSION:
THEN the manager of the store comes over to ask me "Is everything all right?" When I assured him that it was, he said "Is there anyone I can call for you?". I SO wanted to think of a quick smart aleck come back, but none came to mind! Any suggestions? There will be a "next time".

EPILOUGE:
Unfortunately, this is the THIRD store manager whose attention we have attracted in the past year. Sheesh. I swear this can not be normal.

Leppu, Leppu, Leppu

2006-04-25T11:25:00.000-07:00

I just found leppu, leppu, leppu with Dolly Kirtstin's underpants on his head. When questioned about this, Quentin said "he need to take a sow-er" (shower)

Quentin loves to make up his own songs. One is about this animal, his most beloved. It's name is lepard (leppu) and Quentin sings "leppu, leppu, leppu, can't stop singin' 'bout it, leppu, leppu, leppu, can't stop singin' 'bout it".

Keep your eyes open, you never know what's around the next corner.

Daddy

2006-04-24T17:34:00.000-07:00

I just got off the phone with Mama. Daddy has to have a heart cath on Wednesday morning. Daddy had a massive heart attack last July. 100% blockage in the left descending ventricle. Known as "the widow-maker". Mama drove him to the hospital. He went in to asystole 3 times on the table. He had 2 stints put in piggy backed. Now something is wrong and they don't know what until they get in there with the cath. Maybe the stints (which can not be removed) aren't working right. Maybe there is further blockage above or below the stints. He's 57 years old.

Depending on what they find, he may have to have by-pass surgery Thursday or Friday.

My Daddy. It's too much for words.

Oh, to be naked in peace!

2006-04-24T08:54:00.000-07:00

I need a shower. Seriously. It's not pretty. You wouldn't want to be within 5 feet of me right now. I don't.

I'm still in the stage of life where my showers have to be scheduled at everyone else's convience. I am however, past the stage of life where I have to have company while attending to my cleanliness needs. (This stage of life ended when Quentin and Kevin where watching TV one night and a Victoria's Secret commercial came on. Quentin said "wook, see (she) got boobies like mawmee's!". After that, Kevin decided no one should come in and just sit and watch me shower. Thank you Jesus.)

I couldn't take one this morning because Kevin was working upstairs. We're having construction work done in his office and he's been totally displaced for a couple of weeks. If I had left the munchkins to their own devices while he was trying to work, I'm sure they would have done, said, screamed, or broken something that would have seriously hindered him trying to work. I feel bad for him being displaced and am trying to be sensitive to this.

Right now the kids are watching "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". One would think this is the oportune time to sneak out and scrub-a-dub, but then again, one has not met my kids. The current fights are over Elmo's underpants. Quentin is holding Elmo, Elmo has on underpants. Quentin is across the room from Zoe, but somehow Zoe "made" Elmo's underpants fall down. Quentin got up, went across the room and hit Zoe with Elmo, Zoe drop kicked Quentin and Olivia tattled (in Zoe's favor this time). ......Quentin, Zoe, and Olivia are the real children in this story, Elmo is the inanimate toy ( just in case you Sesame Street fans got confused with us naming one of our children after an orange monster puppet).

Soooo...do I chance it? I'm going to have to. I've got library books overdue and I don't think they let vagrants in. I could easily pass for one right now!

Prom

2006-04-23T16:43:00.000-07:00

These are the pictures of Tara's prom dress. The dress that refused to get done. It should have taken me about 10 total hours. It ended up taking close to 20. Got it done at 1 am the night before prom. These pics I took of Tara around 9 am, she came over in her pj's! I'm hoping she'll get me some better pics this week. It was fun to collaborate with someone with her own sense of style. If you sew at all, I'll be posting on this on Atelier with more details about the process of this dress.

Baby Pinkie Don't Leave Me!

2006-04-23T16:30:00.000-07:00

As I write this, I'm having serious concerns about being blown away to Kansas. I only driven through Kansas (unless you count that one night we stayed at a motel when Tim and B.J. helped us move ourselves, our 9 billon pounds of crap and our 3 kids across the country) but I don't think I really like Kansas. Batten down the hatches, me maties!

O.K. It's just a litte rain coming, maybe some snow. But the wind really is kicking it up out there. We have all our windows open due to the paint guy coming and starting the laquering (sp?, I can't figure out how to get the spell check to work on this blogspot thing) and the fumes in here are thick enough to cut with a knife.

Zoe and Kevin just left for the store to get precious Milk (without which our children are reduced to drivelling lumps of whine). Olivia had drawn this awesome chalk picture of a pinkie (flamingo in Beck jargon) for Zoe the other day and before Zoe left she wanted me to snap a picture of it before the rain washes it away. Zoe's latest obsession is pink flamingos. Here's a picture of a small portion of her stash.

Sadly, the driveway pinkie will have left us by morning. Good thing we have these guys to get us through the trauma.

I'm off

2006-04-22T07:45:00.000-07:00

Tuesday was my birthday. (34 for all you nosy-rosies) Today Kevin is going to watch the munchkins all day and let me go out by myself. I've mapped out several local shops that I've never gotten a chance to go to (it's usually a bit too risky to assume taking Quentin and Zoe in public will work out) and I'm having a pedicure. Yum. I hope I remember to come back.

What I just said:

2006-04-21T09:32:00.000-07:00

Pull you pants up and get your butt out of your sisters' face. You don't ask people to smell your butt.

Knot Again

2006-04-21T08:54:00.000-07:00

What is this, you ask? Olivia has been doing some sort of weird knot ritual with her laundry. Not that this in any way helps her put it IN the laundry hamper. I found these under her bed. Perhaps there's some bit of Zen quality to taking off your clothes and tying them up. Maybe I should try it.

p.s. please excuse the nasty dirt smudges on the washing machine. I know the actual place where you put your clothes to make them clean is an odd place to be filthy dirty. If you come to my house expecting that whole cleanliness/godliness thing, you are in for a RUDE awakening. ... (but come by anyway, we can chat on the couch in the midst of the 57 stuffed animals and other toys that my children seem to believe live there and we'll have tea. I'll give you the one coffee cup that doesn't have permanant smudges on the bottom)

When you can say Penis and when you can't

2006-04-21T08:16:00.000-07:00

We've been trying to teach our children that there are no "bad words". We teach them that there are times when it is not appropriate to use certain words, but the words are not "bad" in and of themselves. This is a difficult message. Society says there ARE bad words. But really, words have only the meaning we give them. The next time you meet someone who speaks a foreign (to you) language, ask them to cuss you out. They might just think you are severely whacked in the head and will actually cuss you out (asking to be cussed out in many cultures can be somewhat taboo). It means nothing if you don't understand it.

The other day I took the little ones out to see "Miz No-well-a" (Navella King). I really love Navella and try to see her when I can. She's a very dear lady, but she's also 76 and typical of her generation, Old School about language. This is not a bad thing, it just is what it is. Visiting Navella is a time to use discresion in chosing language.

Quentin loves all things "potty":
"Poop"
"Butt"
"Booty"
"Penis"
"Testicals"
"Pee"
"Butthole"
"Buttpoop" (his own invented word)

This is probably extremely typical of a just-turned-four year old boy. (Not having ever been a just-turned-four year old boy myself, this is just a guess, but Kevin tells me I'm on the right track.) During our visit to Miz No-well-a, Quentin brought out each of these words and paraded them around the red carpet. Discresion is a difficult incumberment to a 4 yr old, I'm sure, but I really did try my best to explain the "no potty talk" rule to him. There's just no stopping Quentin when he gets started talking about his penis. Sorry Navella.