figuring out how to get my picture over on the side

All right, I've screwed around with this for 20 minutes and can't figure out how to get my "edit posts" into html mode...or why this is typing in blue (orange in the preview screen) and underlined when I've repeatedly told it not to. I give up.

Apparently I am now the ODOR POLICE

I had a message on my answering machine yesterday from The Men's Wharehouse. They said there was a strange odor coming from their back room and could I come and fix it?

(I swear to you, I am not making this up)

A conversation with my list

I say: "You do not own me. I am not defined by your size. I will not be drawn into your little tantrums about who comes first or how much attention you need. I can be more than you make me into. Go away."

My list says: "You will do what I say, little missy, and do it now. If you do not adress my concerns, I will go in the closet and multiply like drunken bunnies on spring break in Aruba. Deal with me, or I will bring back those ugly black spots on the upstairs toilets, knowing full well that the toilet brush is downstairs. You will be what I want you to be...until I change my mind tomorrow and become something else, which you will also bow down to. You will:
1)dump the dishwasher
2) put dirty dishes into diswasher
3) pick up blankets and toys from living room
4 ) vacuum
5) deal with laundry, 5a) put a load in washer, 5b) take clean clothes out of dryer, fold, put away, 5c) put away clothes currently on my dresser, 5d) figure out what's clean and what's not on the girls floor
6) go through playroom and get rid of toys the kids seem incapable of putting away
7) finish sewing 2 garments for American Sewing Guild competition, deadline is Friday
8) sweep and mop floor in kitchen and backroom
9) finish picture wall: staple little hanger doo-hickies on back of frames, hang frames, put pictures in frames
10) put away all the stuff on the fireplace in back room that's been sitting there for a month
11) pay bills
12) make bed
13) make grocery list, 13a) buy groceries
14) make list of what to discuss with Zoe's teacher tomorrow
15) finish sewing Arika's wedding dress for fitting on saturday
16) make appointment to get Quentin's mop cut off for summer
17) call to double check date of my dr.'s appointment, 17a) call Kelley to confirm child-care needed for dr.'s appointment
18) make sure to take $1.00 into office at Olivia's school to cover lunch yesterday
19) iron out of control pile of Kevin's shirts that have been waiting around for weeks
20) figure out something edible for dinner
21) pick up Zoe's perscription

I say: "Just what I needed. An arch-nemisis with an attitude. You win. But don't get any ideas, I don't like you. I will not be coersed into loving you. I will not embrace you. You are not welcome here, go away."

My list says: "you are the only one capable of making me go away. No one else will even acknowledge my existance. I am yours to do with as you wish. I love you even if you do not love me. How can you know? Because I am always in your back pocket."

I say: "22) go to the mall & find pants with no pockets."

I feel like crap

My head is congested
My eyes itch to the point I feel like I can't keep them open
My thoat hurts
My nose won't stop running even after sudafed
I'm exhausted

I thought it was hay fever, but now I'm thinking it's got to be a cold. Great, now I'll get bronchitis. I've got way too much to do this week to be sick.

To top that all off, I just had to leave playgroup b/c Zoe and Quentin were screaming and punching each other. They SCREAMED the entire way home "why did we have to leave, we're not fussing!!!"

I need a vacation.

A pont ment (excuse us as we have marital communication)

Kevin,
I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow (Monday May 22, 2006) at 6:15 pm.

Just so you know.

DD a.k.a TB

What I will do for money

I've had some interested sewing jobs pop up lately. One was a lady in Houston that has a children's wear line. She was interested in me doing production work for her and sent me a sketch and fabric with the instructions to just "interpret" the sketch. No measurements or anything. I did EXACTLY what she asked for in the sketch and sent it back to her. She was extremely put out that I did one inch ruffles instead of 1 1/2 inch, that the skirt was 14 inches instead of 12, etc., etc. and informed me that she won't be able to pay me for the sample work I did for her because of my lack of professionalism. I laughed.

Then today I had an inquiry from a company in Peublo that wants to know if I am interested in making cloth sanitary napkins for them. Weird. (and yet, I'm going to call them)

I stop at making those dumb clothes for ceramic geese. I mean, I've got to have standards.

Ongoing battles with the House Monster

The house monster has a strange and varied appetite of things it likes to put in its belly. Apparently it now likes video cameras. I have, unbelievably enough, been through every box of crap that we own since moving in our new house in February. It's no where.

The House Monster strikes again!

As I have said before, our particular monster will on occasion regurgitate the contents of its stomach on occasion if it is appropriated reviled. I'm trying my best to completely gross it out as we speak to see if the video camera comes back up for air. Seriously, you don't know how hard it is to make all that gunk on my kitchen counter stick permanently.

apparently you CAN say penis at the park

At the park the other day, I found Quentin in conversation with another mom about his penis. I told Kevin about the incident and Kevin said "well, she's a ..."MOM"...apparently she's seen a penis before"

So I guess there's a catagory for the "when you CAN say penis" list. (see my very first post)

Summer

School is getting ready to end next week.

Does someone want my children for the summer? I'm sure we could work out a great rental rate.

O.K. why is it that my children will act like perfect angels for someone else and the minute they are in my presence, they go completely phycotic? Today I had Kelley come over to watch Zoe and Quentin while I worked on some sewing projects. They played, they had fun, they did puzzles and took a walk. Yesterday I tried to walk down to the cul-de-sac (the next house down) with Quentin and Zoe and it ended with Quentin screaming in his room for about 1/2 and hour. I did nothing, I swear.

More Bumper Stickers

"Jesus loves you....everyone else thinks your an a**hole"

Laughed my...ahem...socks off at that one!

"Not a Native, but I got here as fast as I could"

in response to the bumper stickers with the colorado mountain range on them that say "native".

"If going to church makes you a Christian, does going to the garage make you a car?"

My freak quotient

Kevin always say my freak quotient is higher than the average person. Here's a list of people that have accosted me in the last month:

*The dude at Walmart that got out of his car and was shaking his fist at me because I drove off without putting my cart back in the cart return. (the cart return was no where near my car and Zoe was having a complete meltdown. hmm...imagine that, Zoe having a meltdown and walmart!)

*The parking police lady at Olivia's school. 5 weeks before school is out, she took it upon herself (she's not really in the parking police) to bodily lean in my car window and tell me that where I've been parking for the entire school year to pick up Olivia wasn't where I should park and that I was going to kill someone and that I could take "her" spot. When I looked over at where she was parked, it was under a "no parking within 30 feet" sign.

*The dance class mom that asked me why I thought I was better than everybody else at picture night. She was waiting in line for individual pictures and Zoe's class was going in front of the line to have class pictures made. I was just following the teacher.

*The mom that, upon hearing that my husband was in ministry, made the faulty assumption that I was a "right-wing" christian and asked me about the quality of the public school we send our children to. Then she proceeded to tell me she didn't want her children learning "liberal crap, like Chanukah and homosexuality".

*The 60 year old woman at Joann's that pulled her car into the empty parking spot beside where I had just pulled in. I was opening my car door to get out (which is something most people do directly after parking their car) and she raised her fist out the window and yelled "hey *$#&@, hold a minute and wait on your elders!"

That's all I can think of right now. I'm sure there have been a couple more, I'll let you know when I think of them. Sheesh. Does this stuff happen to other people?

Who should wear a bicycle helmet

I saw the weirdest thing yesterday. Two boys were riding their bikes on the sidewalk of one of our major streets (6 lane boulevard). The boy in front had a box of powdered donuts. He was holding the box out and reaching out to give the boy behind some. I watched them for quite a distance ride just like that...one with the box reached out and the other just picking out donut after donut and eating them. They were both wearing those bicycle helmets that people with brain damage wear.

Rachel's Pictures

I just got these pictures from Rachel. Rachel lives in St. Louis and I worked with her to make her prom dress. We did the fittings over the phone, so these are the first pictures I've actually seen of the dress on her. I was very pleased with the outcome, especially since this is the first dress I've done long distance. The dress is an adaptation of this dress that Rachel saw on Charlize Theron.

It's not crack cocaine

What is this stuff in our yard? We found it this morning!

I DON'T WANT TO BE WIERD!!!

This morning was a bit cool. Zoe had on a little skirt and a sleeve-less top. I tried to talk her into wearing some tights or leggings under her skirt, but it just made her cry. She spent maybe 20 minutes laying on her bed screaming "IF I WEAR THOSE, I'M GOING TO LOOK WIERD! YOU'RE MAKING ME WEIRD! I DON'T WANT TO BE WEIRD!"

Her other melt-down today was over the shape of her pizza. First she wanted it not cut up, then she didn't want squares, she wanted rectangles, then she wanted little squares. She never ate any of it.

Welcome to life with the bug.

Are you happy?

Over on the Presence Forum, we've been discussing what brings joy. What's your joy?

When am I happy? I'm happy when I'm creating something. There is some fountain within me that needs to mold, bend, shape, form, transform the things in front of me to something whole-ly new. My usual medium is textiles, but I'm always open to new creative experiences. I'm happy when I'm in my studio with whatever music that moves me that day on...80's.. classical.. Harry (Conick Jr.)...and I'm free to just "make" (feel free to read in between the lines "no one needs fed, driven somewhere, their greivances disputed, or has just pooped themselves"). I love it when I can learn something new to incorporate, to stretch myself beyond what I was yesterday, to grow beyond what I thought I could do as an artist.

Where do I find joy? In silence. I get about an hour or two a month of silence. It's so rejuvenating. Oh, also I've found joy in making my new blog. It doesn't even matter if anyone reads it, it has just been fun to write things down and crack myself up.

Where am I looking for joy? I think I unconsiously look for it in my family. I think perhaps I should not. These are people who are on the journey WITH me, not for ME. If I look for my joy in them and do not find it (or in their mounds of ever-multiplying paraphanalia they leave laying around the house and refuse to EVER acknowledge, much less pick up) then I will be dissappointed and my dissappointment will be felt BY them. If I look for joy only from within, they are free to be who or what they are that particular day with the pressure of having let someone down. They do not need to be joyful in order for me to feel joyful.

Where have I not found it? The laundry room, where my laundry has grown in proportion to the point that it feels justified in filing documents to declare itself a soveriegn nation.

Amen.

God Made Me

Today the kids had a lesson on Adam and Eve in sunday school. Then they drew pictures of themselves as God made them. Quentin drew...yep, you guessed it...his penis.

My favorite summer treat

...for I'm in the Lord's Army

"One nation under GOD
and HIS marines protecting it"

seen on a bumper sticker around town.

I find this eerily disturbing on many levels.

"Motherhood"

Nature's way of saying, "Sooo.....you like sex, do ya?"

found in a greeting card at wal-mart, read while zoe and quentin fought over who got to hold the mouthwash and pretend it was a microphone.

Historical Fiction Authors

I'm a complete nut for historical fiction. I keep a list of authors either I've read or would like to read. Our library has a wonderful system where I can look up stuff online and put it on hold. No trudging through the stacks with screaming, hitting, biting, clawing heathens. We save all that for the children's section.

Here's my list, if you're interested:
Sara Donati - my all time favorite, only one series out, but it's the best there is
Diana Gabaldon - extremely good story, but she's a bit verbose
Margaret Lawrence - really good series on early america
Elisabeth Chadwick - Always a good read
Judith Saxton - a bit drippy, but still not stupid, a good "mind pifle" read
Sharon Kay Penman - I have to be in the mood for her, but I like her all the same. It's very detailed historically
Dorothy Dunnett - I know I've read her stuff and enjoyed it, but can't recall any titles off hand

Other Authors I've heard of, but haven't read yet:
Cecelia Holland
Kathleen Givens
Susan Carroll
Loretta Chase
Judith Ivory
Laura Kinsale
Geraldine Brooks
Teresa Medeiros
Marsha Canham
Anya Seton (seems like I've read her)
Diana Haeger
Brenda Rickman Vantrease
Susanne Dunlap
Jane Guill
Posie Graeme-Evans
Dora Levy Mossanen
Jeanne Kalogridis
Sandra Worth
Lisa Kleypas
Pauline Holdstock
Sarah Dunant
Phillipa Stockley
Diana Norman

O.K. That's my 2 cents. I've typed this with a naked 4 year old on my lap, just so you know.